How 'One Breath' Came To Be
by Gill Jr
Summary: Chris Carter goes mentally insane. (Wait...isn't he *already* mentally insane? )


Title: How 'One Breath' Came To Be  
  
Author: Gill, Jr.  
  
E-mail address: MmentMori@aol.com  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Category: SH  
  
Spoilers: None, I guess. :o)  
  
Keywords: Humor  
  
Summary: Chris Carter goes mentally insane. (Wait...isn't he *already* mentally insane? )  
  
Disclaimer: Well, no X-Files characters in this one. But CC belongs to himself (thank   
GOD!) and Gillian, David, Vince Gilligan (the Allmighty Shipper King!!), Glen  
Morgan, James Wong, and Frank Spotnitz all belong to themselves. I   
guess Officer Larry White is mine, so, uh, if you want to use him, e-mail   
me.   
  
Author's Notes: Please, please, PLEASE send me feedback!!!! It would be  
greatly appreciated  
by me. Besides, I have nothing better to do, LOL! I'll accept constructive  
criticism, but please, don't flame me!   
Thanks, and enjoy! ;oD  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~How 'One Breath' Came To Be~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A fanfic by Gill, Jr.  
  
The alarm clock buzzed, jolting Chris Carter awake. It was 6 a.m. He looked to the right of himself. Dori, his wife, wasn't there.  he thought. He yawned, and then got out of bed to stretch.  
  
As he walked down the hallway, he could already smell the bacon and eggs his wife was making for him. He smiled.  He came up from behind Dori and gave her a kiss on the cheek, startling her at first. "Hey, Shnookums." he said in her ear.   
  
She turned around and gave him a little peck. " 'Morning, honey." Chris sat down at the table and opened the paper. Nothing interesting, really. Just then, Dori set a plate of food down in front of him. He folded the paper back up and set it on the chair to his right. Just then, he noticed that something was wrong. His wife wasn't making coffee; he didn't smell it.  
  
"Dori, honey, how come you didn't make coffee today?" Dori turned around from the counter.  
  
"It's all gone. I would've given you juice, but we don't have any of that either. So..." she said, setting a glass --with a brownish substance in it -- in front of him, "I'm giving you iced tea." He cringed. After hearing how the 'Shippers online had praised the iced tea bit from "Tooms", he didn't like drinking it anymore.  he thought, taking a sip of the tea. He smiled up at his wife.   
  
"Oh well...this is okay!" She smiled at him and patted his shoulder.  
  
"Glad you approve."  
  
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As Chris Carter walked to his car for his drive to work, he saw a ticket attached to his windshield wiper. He read the ticket.   
  
"Charged: Mr. Chris Carter  
License Plate: SrfrBoy  
Illegal Action: Parked in Fire Lane  
Other Notes: Love your show, Chris. I want to show you just   
*how* much I love The X-Files. So as a token   
of my appreciation, I left a bottle of iced tea on   
the dashboard. (Your window was open.)  
Signed: Officer Larry White"  
  
thought Chris,  He took the bottle off his dashboard and threw it behind his head, to the back seat of his car.  thought Chris as he drove to the studio.  
  
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Chris pondered, twiddling his thumbs at his desk. He looked at the sheet of paper on his desk.  He took his wallet out of his pocket, making sure he had it. On many occasions, people have tried to pickpocket him.  he thought. He put his wallet on his desk and turned on the loudspeaker.   
  
"Would Glen Morgan and James Wong report to my office immediately?"  
  
Glen and Jim exchanged worried glances. But they immediately left their office and reported to their boss' office. They walked through the door, Glen, a few steps behind Jim, and waited for Chris to notice them. In what seemed like hours, Chris suddenly looked up and acknowledged them.  
  
"Glen, Jim. Have a seat."  
  
They both sat down in the comfortable leather chairs in front of his desk and waited for Chris to speak.  
  
"The reason I've called you here is because I have an offer for you two."  
  
"What kind of an offer?" asked Glen.  
  
"Well...I was wondering..." Chris said, taking a 20 dollar bill out of his wallet, "if you two could make your next episode...'anti-shippy?' " he said, now holding the bill up for them to see.  
  
"Sure," Jim said, reaching for the money. Chris jerked his hand back.  
  
"Not so fast. At least...not until I get the script."  
  
"Um...okay...sure!" was Jim's response.  
  
"So...an anti-shippy next episode. Deal?" Chris said, holding out his hand.  
  
"Deal," they said in unison, both shaking Chris' hand.  
  
"Great!" Chris said, smiling. "Uh...you guys can go now."  
  
Morgan and Wong got up from their chairs and shut the door behind them, leaving their boss alone in his office.  
  
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Chris opened his lunch.  he thought,  So, he got up from his desk and walked to the vending machine in the hallway. He scanned down the buttons.  he thought, depositing his change into the coin slot. He pressed the Dr. Pepper button. Nothing happened. He took out another two quarters and tried again. Still nothing.  thought Chris. Fed up, he shook the machine. He shook it again. And again. This time, a can of pop rolled down the shute. _ he thought, smiling, as he picked up the can. To his horror, the label read: "Lipton's Brisk Iced Tea".  
  
"Nooooo!!" he wailed like a baby. Then, he kicked the machine repeatedly. "Take that, you...you...'Shippers!!" he shouted. David Duchovny passed him and gave him a strange look, but Chris was to mad to even notice. Then, David saw the can of iced tea in his hands and automatically knew why he was mad. Oh boy, was David gonna get him good! David smiled evilly and walked away like nothing had even happened.  
  
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Chris sat back in his special chair on the set, watching the scene unfold before him. Mulder, er, uh, David Duchovny, was interrogating Steve Railsback (Duane Barry) about Agent Scully's disappearance.  
  
"Did you hurt her?! DID YOU HURT HER?!?!"  
  
"Cut!" Chris got up from his chair. "Beautiful, David, beautiful!" David walked towards Chris.  
  
"Thanks. Oh! I almost forgot! I have something for you back at my trailer, Chris. Can I go get it and bring it to the set now?"  
  
"Sure, go ahead," said Chris, waving David away.  
  
About ten minutes later, David emerged out of his trailer, hiding something behind his back. When Vince Gilligan saw what it was, he snickered and told Frank Spotnitz. Soon, both were laughing very loudly. David smiled at them, but Chris payed mind to anyone but David. The object still behind his back, he said to Chris,  
  
"This is from Gillian. She gave it to me and told me to give it to you." he said, holding out the can of iced tea. "It's her way of thanking you for giving her the next episode off."   
  
By this time, Vince, Frank, AND David were all laughing. But their laughter soon halted as Chris passed out, hitting his head on the floor.  
  
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When Chris woke up, he didn't recognize his surroundings. Then, the beeping machines gave it all away. He was at the hospital.  he thought. Suddenly, he heard his wife's voice.  
  
"Chris!" She bent over and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Hi." he said weakly.  
  
"You woke up at just the right time! A nurse told me they'll be bringing you lunch anytime, now." As soon as she said that, a tall man with long brown, tied-back hair entered with Chris' food. It looked disgusting, and Chris couldn't identify any of it.  
  
"So...what's on the menu today, nurse?" Chris asked the man.  
  
"Chicken fingers, mashed potatoes, jello...oh, and to drink," he said, grinning mischieviously, "iced tea." Chris fainted *again*, but thankfully, he was lying down!   
  
thought the nurse/avid 'Shipper.  
  
"Why the heck is he fainting all of a sudden?" Dori asked aloud.  
  
"I...*don't* think he likes iced tea..." replied the nurse, leaving the room as fast as he could so he could tell his other 'Shipper buddies about this. Chris Carter...*fainting* over iced tea?! They'd love it!  
  
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(The day Chris Carter was released from the hospital)  
  
"Morgan, Wong, in my office NOW." Chris said into the loudspeaker's microphone.  
  
Glen and Jim exchanged worried glances. But they immediately left their office and reported to their boss' office. They walked through the door, Glen, a few steps behind Jim and they didn't have to wait for Chris to notice them. He walked towards them, and then got down on his knees in front of them.  
  
"Could you guys please...*please* make the next episode, uh..." he lowered his voice, as a tear rolled down his cheek, " 'shippy? Pretty please with a cherry on top?!"  
  
Both Glen and Jim were very amused at their boss' behavior.  
  
"Sure!" they said in unison.  
  
"Go now...or you're gonna see a grown man cry!" Chris Carter said, sniffling.  
  
Glen and Jim walked out the door and shut it.  
  
"Finally...we get to write a 'shippy episode!" said Jim, barely concealing the excitement in his voice.  
  
"ALLRIGHT!!" said Glen, giving his friend a high-five.  
  
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Epilogue:  
Gillian won her bet with David on how long it'd take Chris to go mentally insane. And to this day, whenever Chris Carter hears the word, "iced tea", he passes out. The word " 'Shipper" has a similar effect.  
  
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All done, bye bye  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_


End file.
